Why this festive season really is all about finding peace
Over the last couple of weeks, as the weather has taken a sharp turn into winter and the festive lights have begun to blossom in windows and gardens, I have felt as palpable sense that we’re all engaged in a collective, weary push to get over some sort of psychological line.
Even for those who don’t observe it from a faith perspective, Christmas has taken on the form of a little bubble where we can all hide away from the pressures and strife of the real world, if only for a few days.
It’s a few days when letters and bills will not drop onto doormats, where alarm clocks are absent (save, perhaps, for the one that calls for us to put the oven on in readiness for the Christmas lunch), where we are gathered with friends or family, where email notifications don’t ping, and where we are not required to run the daily gauntlet of busy train and tube stations.
But, of course, the impending arrival of Christmas brings its own stresses, pressures and anxieties. Deadlines multiply as businesses race to complete their work for the calendar year, invitations to parties – of both the office and house variety – begin to arrive, gifts need to be bought and wrapped, shopping needs to be done.
We are now in a three-week period where, for many, life has become twice as busy, twice as stressful, twice as demanding – and all in the pursuit of sanctuary and the opportunity to properly enjoy some downtime.
And then there are those for whom this time of year is challenging – those who are vulnerable either medically or financially, those who are elderly and may perhaps lack social contact, those who are bereaved and feel loss more acutely at a time where a sense of family is exponentially greater, and those who are simply overwhelmed emotionally.
I have always made a point of encouraging people to be kind – not just to others, but also to themselves, and I think that message is especially important at this time of year, when it’s easy to lose sight of the things that are really important.
Christmas arrives like a freight train at full tilt and scoops us up for a wild ride of commercialisation, frenetic deadlines and social and business events – and it’s understandable that we focus on delivering the ‘perfect’ festive experience for ourselves and those around us.
Yet whether you observe Christmas or not, the season has always had hope and peace at its heart. Long before Christmas became a High Street event that started in August, it was a time of goodwill to all and of celebrating humanity in all its forms.
So, I think it’s important that we all take some time this year to step back and breathe and identify how we can all be kind to ourselves.
As a race, we can sometimes be very good at being unkind on a global scale – we have only to look to the East and the war in Ukraine to see evidence of that (though the world is peppered with other examples).
And on a more personal level we have probably all been guilty of moments of intolerance or unkindness that we may now regret.
But I’ve long believed that the people we are most unkind toward are ourselves. We demand so much of ourselves that is difficult if not impossible to achieve. We wear masks of happiness when we feel sad. We sacrifice our own health or welfare in the pursuit of safeguarding others’. And we are our own fiercest critics when we shine a light on ourselves and our actions.
So, I want to take this opportunity to say that it is enough to be who we are, with all the quirks, idiosyncrasies, faults and imperfections that entails. It’s okay to fail, and it’s okay to err. It’s okay to be afraid sometimes, and it’s even more okay to admit and share your feelings with others.
It’s okay to discipline your children (within reason of course) and it’s okay to love them unconditionally at the same time, because that is what establishes their boundaries and sets them up to be the best versions of themselves.
It’s okay, too, to not complete your to-do list today and choose instead to spend time with yourself or with others, because the to-do list doesn’t mind waiting until tomorrow, but time never waits and there is never enough of it.
It’s okay to want to spend some time alone with a magazine or a book or just your own thoughts, because that time is restorative both physically and emotionally, and enables you to see and appreciate your own identity in all the emotional uncertainty that makes up life.
And, finally, it’s okay to be flawed, because our flaws make us human.
So, when you finally reach the bubble of Christmas, please do find the time to celebrate yourself as much as you do those around you – because this year, perhaps more than any other, you’ve earned it.